This is a simple, hopefully easy to understand guide for you poor, clueless men out there. This time around we'll just cover three basics, m'k?

1. Contrary to popular opinion, we don't always like having that all night long, slow, sensual love fest. Honestly, a lot of us girls tend to have a more simpler view of sex. Ready for it?

When we get off, you should get off. Ten to one, we're ready for bed.

Not saying we DON'T appreciate an occasional all nighter. But seriously, do you know how tiring that would be? Not to mention come morning we'd be raw and sore.

2. We're NOT your mommy.

I don't even know if I have enough memory on my computer to even go into this one. Let's just clear this up. We're not going to fuss over you if you have a cold. We're going to pass the bottle of cough syrup on our way out the door. You have something serious, then we're fussing.

Don't be bugging us over a snotty nose, we might kill you.

We're not doing your nasty laundry either. If it smells like shit, has weird stains on it and is totally raunchy, we're tossing it. Plain and simple.

We'll cover more of the 'not your mommy' bit next time.

3. Don't bitch that we take too long to get ready when we're going out.

You LIKED it before you hooked up, you should LIKE it now jackass!

Women like to look good and no, we're not doing it because we're trying to impress someone. Odds are, we feel sexier when we dress up or even just apply some damn lip gloss. If we feel sexy, you're in luck. Why you bitching?

See, how simple was that?