“For the love of all that’s Holy…PLEASE tell me that you’re not serious!!” Ken Anderson whimpered pitifully.

“I’m very serious”, Vince McMahon said, grinning to his assembled superstars. “I’ve decided that this roster is going to stage a performance of ‘Rocky Horror Picture Show’.”

At this announcement, he saw someone getting up and going for the door. In a flash, Vince was there to stop him.

“Of all the idiotic ideas you’ve gotten in yer head recently, this has got to be one of the MOST idiotic of ‘em all!!” Mark Calaway growled down at him.

“Now Mark, come on, where’s your sense of team spirit?” Vince asked, making Mark glower down at him.

“Don’t fuckin’ gimme that ‘team spirit’ bullshit”, Mark said. “There ain’t NO FUCKIN’ WAY I’m gonna participate in this asinine scheme o’yers.”

“It might be fun”, Vince said, ushering the big man to sit back down. “You’re all great actors, so we’re going to put names into two different tumblers, one for the girls and one for the guys, and see who’s playing who.”

“Put my name into the tumbler, and see what happens to ya”, Mark grunted, making a few others laugh around him.

Vince ignored him, and turned the crank, making the tumbler spin. “Okay, the part of Brad Majors”, he said, stopping the tumbler and opening the little door, “Will be played by…” He reached his hand in, and pulled out a ball. He made a show of opening it, and unfolded the little piece of paper. “Brian Kendrick!!”

Brian blinked, while Paul laughed. “Shut up”, Brian grumbled, making Paul laugh harder.

“The role of Janet Weiss, shall go to…” Vince continued, reaching into the tumbler that held the girls’ names, and opening it, “Maria!!”

Maria gaped, then looked to side to side, pointing to herself, looking wide eyed at Vince. “Me??” she yelped. “I can’t sing!!”

Vince ignored her outburst, and reached into the Male tumbler, and opened it. Grinning widely, he spoke again. “The role of Frank-N-Furter shall go to…” He looked around, and spoke again, this time deliberately. “Mark Calaway.”

“HELL FUCKIN’ NO!!!!” Mark roared, standing up. “I AM NOT PUTTING UP WITH THIS BULLSHIT!!”

“Hey Vince”, Glen called, an amused grin on his face. “Can I be Frank-N-Furter?”

“Sorry, Glen, the role has been cast”, Vince said, both amused and apologetic at the same time. Ignoring Mark’s furious bellows, he reached into the tumbler again. “Ken Anderson as Rocky Horror!!”

“WHAT?!?” Ken croaked. He then eyed Mark. “How the hell am I supposed to carry HIS big ass around?!?”

“Shut the fuck up or I’ll rip yer blond hair outta yer head!!” Mark growled, sitting down. He glared up at Vince mutinously.

“Layla as Magenta”, Vince continued.

Layla shrugged. “What? I LIKE Magenta”, she said at the raised eyebrows of the people around her.

Vince continued to cast the roles: Balls Mahoney as Eddie, William Regal as Dr. Everett Scott, Ric Flair as the Criminologist, Paul London as Riff Raff (which earned much laughter from Kendrick), and Melina as Columbia.

Consensus was that, even though Melina HATED it, that she had the annoying voice for it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Two weeks (and very many embarrassing rehearsals, at least, in Mark’s mind) later, Vince had an announcement.

“Seeing as the rehearsals are going far better than expected”, Vince said, “We’re going to move up the performance date by two weeks.”

Mark STILL couldn’t believe he actually ALLOWED himself to be talked into this shit. His reputation was shot to hell now. Instead of the fear and respect that his presence always gave off, he kept getting all sorts of questions like:

‘Do you prefer silk, or lace?’

‘Do you want a garter belt, or do you just want the thigh highs?’

And, the ever popular:

‘KY or Astroglide?’

He made it his personal mission in life to make Vince’s life a living hell. He would have to think of something so horribly humiliating. And the old man would never know what hit him. But, for now, he was going to have to get through this humiliating ordeal with his sanity intact.

“I never knew you had such a LOVELY singing voice”, Glen said one rehearsal, sitting next to him and putting his head on Mark’s shoulder, batting his eyelashes up at him.

“Fuck off”, Mark growled.

“You wound me”, Glen said, putting a hand over his heart. “Here I was complimenting you, and I get told to ‘fuck off’. Fine, I see how it is now. I’ll remember that for next time.”

Mark just glared at him.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Even more time passed, and before anyone knew it, it was time for the first dress rehearsal. The performance was a week away, and Mark just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Not only had he been given his costume…it was given to him in front of EVERYBODY.

“Now, Mark, go try it on and make sure it fits”, Vince said, trying hard to hold in his amusement at Mark’s gloomy face. “And come out so we all can see how it looks.”

Without a word, Mark grabbed the costume, and marched into the bathroom amongst many snickers. A much shuffling and grumbling behind the door, he spoke.

“I am NOT goin’ ANYWHERE outside this bathroom wearin’ this!!” he growled.

“Oh come on, Mark, show everybody how pretty you look!!” Glen yelled, making everybody laugh.

“FUCK YOU!!” Mark roared.

“Now, now, Mark, come on now”, Vince said, trying very had not to laugh. “We just want to know if the costume fits well. How will the costume department know if it needs to be tailored or not?”

With a grumble of ‘I hate you fuckin’ people’, Mark grudgingly emerged from the bathroom. Despite how amusing the situation was, no one DARED laugh. Laughing while he was in the bathroom was one thing…it was another matter entirely to laugh directly into his face. Because, if you did, then you’d end up with your ass kicked.

So there was Mark Calaway, in all his glory, wearing a black corset which glittered silver, a pair of fishnet arm warmers and matching stockings, a pair of glittery platform heels, a pair of black satin panties, a garter belt, and a gaudy pearl necklace. To top off the outfit, Mark had the most thunderously angry expression on his face.

“Do whatever the hell ya want to me, McMahon”, he growled. “Humiliate me, fire me, whatever, but I downright REFUSE to wear that wig.”

“Aww, you look so pretty”, Glen snickered.

“Mark, you HAVE to wear the wig”, Vince said exasperatedly. “It’s part of the CHARACTER.”

“I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S FUCKING TWO TAILED ASS IF IT’S PART OF THE CHARACTER OR NOT!!!!!!” Mark roared.

“You know, you’re the only one who’s been giving me shit about this the entire time”, Vince said angrily, putting his fists on his hips. “My suggestion to you would be to grow the fuck up, and take it like a man.” When he saw Mark whirl around to go back to the bathroom, he called him. “And don’t forget to put on your lipstick.”

That last comment had everybody laughing their asses off.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Despite problems, the performance was a rousing success. Promotions for it were EVERYWHERE, and afterwards, the ones who were performing were hounded by autograph seekers. The one who had the most people around him was Mark. Surprisingly, more women than men were flocked around him. It took him about an hour to get through all the people that wanted to get his autograph, and his hand was killing him.

Sara was waiting for him when he got into the limo.

“I’m so glad that Vince went through with my idea”, she said.

Mark took a moment to digest what she said. Then his head slowly turned to her.

“This…all this humiliation, all this bullshit…was YOUR idea?!” Mark asked.

“Yep”, she replied, nodding sweetly. Her smile slowly disappeared when Mark’s face grew stormy. “N-now, Mark, don’t be mad…”

Mark growled, and when they got to the hotel, he carried her, caveman style, out of said limo and to their hotel room.

When they saw her the next day, she was walking sort of funny, rubbing her butt, muttering something about ‘that goddamned paddle’ when she walked.