“Dude, this is GREAT”, John Cena said, looking around the resort impressively. He and a few of his friends from work: The Hardy Brothers, Randy Orton and his wife, Mickie James, Glen Jacobs, also known as Kane, and Ken Anderson were following him, all also looking around eagerly. But, there was another person with them. And he did NOT look happy.

“Oh come on, Mr. Grumpypants, stop moping”, Jeff said, turning to him and putting his hands on his hips.

Mark Calaway, who was also known as the Undertaker, was looking around with a very distinct scowl on his face. “I can’t BELIEVE I let you people talk me into this”, he growled. “I know these are stupid damned ideas, and yet I let ya talk me into it. WHY do I let ya?’

Jeff bounded up to him, batting his eyelashes at him as he rested his head on his shoulder. “Because you love us?” he asked.

Mark snorted. “Sorry, Hardy, yer not my type”, he said, putting a hand on the younger man’s head and pushing him away.

“Jeff, leave the man alone”, Ken said amusedly. “As for the reason why we talked you into it is the simple fact that you need to finally loosen up and get the stick outta your ass”, he said. At Mark’s look, he shrugged. “It’s true and you know it.”

“Mark, c’mon, you never know, you might ENJOY it”, Mickie said, laughing.

“Yea, man, let the boys run free!!” John said, bumping and grinding a bit.

“A fuckin nudist colony??” Mark growled.

“Yea, Mark, think of the possibilities”, Randy said, hiding a snicker. “You’re a single man now…think of all the babes that’ll be around.”

“I am not gonna be runnin’ around with my ass hangin’ out”, Mark ground out. “I’ll leave that to you people.”

“Sorry man, it don’t work that way”, Glen said cheerfully. “It’s a nudist colony. Clothes Not Allowed.”

Mark growled in response.

“Come on, let’s leave the bear to grump”, Samantha, Randy’s wife said amusedly. She then turned to check in.

Mark was about to protest, but they all just ignored him to check in along with her. “I might as well have a damned sucker for a head”, he thought, grumbling as he checked in behind them.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Get a load of that sun!!” Mickie chirped happily, walking out into the rays of the tropical sun. “I can REALLY get an all over tan now!!”

“And that crystal blue water…man, I can’t WAIT to go swimming”, Samantha said, walking next to her. She snuggled against Randy’s side as he came up to her.

“And that nice white sand”, Randy said, looking around.

Glen came up, taking a deep breath. “That tropical air…I can take a deep breath without coughing out exhaust fumes”, he said.

John, Ken, and the Hardy’s came out, to admire the view along with the others.

And none of them had a single stitch on.

“You were right, John”, Mickie said, laughing as she looked around. “It’s so…liberating.”

“Ha, see, I told you”, John said, grinning like a doofus.

Jeff turned, smirking a bit. “C’mon out, Deadman, you could use a REAL tan, instead of that Can-O-Tan crap you secretly spray yourself with”, he said, making the girls giggle, and the other guys snicker.

“No”, came the growled reply.

Jeff rolled his eyes. “Oh ferchrissake, grow a set and get your big dead ass out here”, he said.

“I don’t know him”, Matt muttered as he moved away from him. He loved his brother, but he wasn’t about to let himself get beat the tar out of when he opened his mouth and let something stupid come out.

“Don’t make me hurt you, Hardy”, Mark growled from his hiding spot.

“Ew, I’m SOOO scared”, Jeff taunted. “You don’t even have the juevos to come out of your hiding spot.”

“I’ll git you when you least expect it”, Mark grunted.

“Whatever”, Jeff said, laughing.

“If you don’t get your ass out here, I’m gonna have a damned press conference to tell the world that you’re a chicken shit”, Glen threatened. “I’ll do it, too, don’t think I won’t!!”

“I am NOT goin’ out there bareassed!!” Mark barked.

“Oh, okay”, Glen said mockingly. “I hereby dub you ‘Chicken Shit For Life’. Every time I see you, I’ll be like ‘Hey there, Chicken Shit!!’ or ‘Great match, Chicken Shit’!!”

There was a distinct grumbling from the direction of Mark’s hiding spot, before a hand shot out and grabbed a towel from a cart that was passing by. Mark then came out, securely fastening the towel around his waist.

Unfortunately for him, to his dismay, it didn’t do too much good. On him, it looked like a loin cloth that barely covered the most important bits.

Mickie wolf whistled at him. “Lookin’ fine there, Deadman”, she said playfully.

A rare flush rose on Mark’s cheeks as he rubbed the back of his neck, grumbling more.

“Mmm mmm”, Samantha said, sighing and shaking her head. “If I weren’t taken…”

“Hey!!” Randy said, making her giggle.

Mark grudgingly came out and looked up at the sun. “It is nice out”, he rumbled. He followed them, and was too busy looking around to see the one sneaking behind him until it was too late. His towel was yanked off his body, making him instinctively cover himself with his hands, glaring death at the offender.

“I know, I know, I’m a dead man”, John said, grinning as he held up the towel. “But first, you gotta catch me.” He then turned and sprinted off.

‘GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE, CENA!!!!” Mark bellowed, running after him.

The others were laughing too hard, with Glen falling into the sand, holding his middle. Ken and Randy were bent over, their hands on their knees, laughing their asses off, while Mickie and Sammie both tilted their heads in unison, peering unashamedly and interestedly at Mark’s now bare bottom. The Hardy Brothers were too shocked to laugh, gaping at them.

“What do you think?” Samantha asked, looking at Mickie.

“Ten. DEFINITELY”, she replied.

“Damn…why didn’t I think of that??” Jeff said in wonder.

“Because you’re crazy, not stupid?” Matt asked. He then looked at his brother. “Then again…” He laughed, rubbing the back of his head because Jeff had thwapped him.

The guys just laughed harder when a good bit of the girls scrambled for their cameras to take pictures.

When Mark finally caught up with him and got him in a headlock, he didn’t realize that he was standing bareassed in the middle of the beach, and that a good many women were taking their picture. He looked up slowly, and looked around, frozen, as John was grinning goofily at them and waving, even though he was still in the headlock.

“Hey, how’s it goin?” John croaked, waving at the crowd. “I’d give autographs, but I’m sorta stuck…”

Mark heard an odd noise, then felt something cold on his bottom, making him jump and actually yelp, letting John go. He turned around, only to see what had to be a 90 year old woman, grinning toothlessly, holding a can of whipped cream. Where the hell she got it, he never knew.

“Now be still, dearie”, the woman said, waggling her eyebrows at him.

The guys and girls, who had just gotten over their laughter, had started up again, laughing even harder than before.

“Oh, the pain!!” Glen howled, clutching his middle.

Poor Mark was torn on either covering his behind from the old lady, or his front from the cameras that were flashing. ‘Why do I let myself be humiliated like this??’ he thought miserably.

In the end, it was Sammie and Mickie who decided to take pity on him. They both went over, and stood in front of him, their hands on their hips.

“Okay you guys, show’s over, move along”, Mickie said amongst the groan of disappointed females.

“Yea, you heard the lady, hit the bricks!!” Sammie said, pointing her thumb at the beach.

But the women wouldn’t move. They just pushed the two girls out of the way, and crowded around both John and Mark. John was eating up the attention, while Mark looked distinctly uncomfortable.

Sammie and Mickie just gaped at them, then looked at each other. They nodded, and moved off. Nothing happened for a few minutes, before a shout rent the air.

‘HOLY SHIT!!’ a guy yelled.

When everybody turned, they were met with a shocking sight:

Sammie and Mickie were heavily making out.

“I hope Mark takes the hint and hauls ass”, Sammie murmured against Mickie’s lips.

“If he’s smart, he will”, Mickie replied.

Mark, at that moment, proved how smart he was, because while everybody was distracted, he ran back into the hotel.

The two women separated, smiled coyly at the audience and bowed. They went back to the guys, Sammie snuggling up to Randy’s side.

Glen gulped visibly. “GOD that was hot”, he said, gaping.

Randy’s eyes were bugged out of his head as he looked down at his wife, who was now smiling innocently up at him. “Uh…Sammie…” he said, coughing, “Would you ever consider…”

Sammie peeked coyly up at him, gently rubbing his chest. “No”, she said sweetly.

 Randy visibly deflated, making Sammie giggle. “Why not?” he pouted.

“Because none of you did a damned thing to help him out over there”, Mickie said, putting her hands on her hips.

“Hey, you guys were ogling too!!” Jeff said, folding his arms.

“That’s different. We looked our fill then went to go help”, Mickie said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “And besides, even if we did, none of you would be invited to watch.”

“Damn”, Matt grumbled.

Mark came back a little bit later, wearing a pair of swim trunks. Rules be damned, his ass was exposed enough before.

“So, Mark”, Glen said, coming up, draping his arm around his shoulder. “How did it feel to let the draft in?”

He got punched in the stomach for his trouble.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Wow, lookit him go”, Mickie said, gaping a few hours later.

Everybody was on the beach, watching the sea.

Mark was on a surfboard…and was doing a pretty damned good job of it.

‘I didn’t think it’d be this easy’, Mark thought as he stood on the board. It was wider than a shaky rope, and he had good balance. Still, he’d thought it’d have been harder than it was. His board tripped up somehow, and he went crashing into the wave. With sure strokes, he managed to grab the board and swim back to shore. He didn’t seem to notice how the girls passing were going googly eyed at the fact that the water was glistening off his now slightly tanned skin. But, unfortunately, he didn’t notice something else either.

He’d lost his trunks in the sea.

The rest of them decided not to say anything. Dammit, they were going to get him to loosen up even if it killed them!!

Mark slung his wet hair out of his face as he came up.

“I didn’t think it’d be that easy”, he said.

“Well, it’s really not, but it really depends on the person”, Sammie said.

Mark was feeling pretty good about himself, but the coolness was just drawn right out of him when a couple walked by, the girl unashamedly gawping at him.

“Hey, why don’t you look at ME like that?” the guy grumped.

“Because his dick is bigger than yours…WAY bigger”, the girl said, trying to get a better look, because they were on their way back into the hotel.

Mark looked down at himself, and jumped, using the surfboard to cover himself. Goddamn, he’d been wondering why his skin had felt particularly drafty!!

“C’mon, man, shake your moneymaker!!” John said, doing a goofy little bump and grind.

Mark growled at him.

Randy rolled his eyes. “You know, you yap and yap and yap about how big and bad and fearless you are, but you’re too much of a pussy to go out in the world the way you were brought into it”, he said. “I can’t take you seriously ever again.”

Mark glared at him for a good long while, before he dropped the board in the sand. He’d show this little pissant who was a pussy!!

For the rest of the vacation, Mark braved it and left his clothes in the hotel room. For as long as he lived, he was never going to figure out just how many women would ‘accidentally’ bump into him, because he’d lost count after the 50th. And that had been on just the second day.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Vince was reading a file in his hands as he walked through the hallways. He’d sent a few of his superstars on vacation, and, against his better judgment, he’d let Jeff Hardy pick the destination. But, then again, he hadn’t heard any complaints when they got back a few days ago, so he guessed it wasn’t a bad one after all.

He kept reading and bumped into somebody, dropping his file. He bent to sweep it up, and looked up to see Mark. “Hey, Mark”, he said.

“Boss”, he said, nodding once before going on his way.

Vince went to look back at his file, then had to do a double take.

His eyes bugged out of his head when Mark’s bare backside met his view as the man went into his locker room. He stood there for a good while, blinking.

Mark…naked??? He shook his head. ‘I think I need a vacation this time’, he said. ‘Maybe I should go find Jeff and find out where they went…’

He then turned and walked away.