Two Men and a Little Guy
(Sequel to Two Men and a Baby)
By Shelly

“All right,” Amy said grabbing her keys, purse and jacket. “Give Mommy a kiss.” She kissed Alex on the forehead and ruffled his dark hair. “Be good for Daddy.” The toddler muttered something in gibberish and went back to playing with his blocks.

Matt walked her to the door and helped her put her jacket on. “I’ll only be gone for a few hours,” she said giving him a kiss. “Are you sure you’ll be all right with him?”

”Do we have to go through this every time you leave the house,” he asked with a smirk.

”It’s just that he’s going through the terrible twos and…” Matt placed a finger over her lips to silence her.

”Go,” he said gently. “Have fun with Trish. You haven’t seen her in months. Don’t worry about us.” He replaced his finger with his lips, kissing her softly.

Amy glanced into the living room where their son sat watching Sesame Street and playing with his blocks happily. “All right,” she sighed. “If anything give me a call.” Matt nodded opening the door and ushering his wife out of the house.

”Hey Amy,” Jeff called as he bounced up the stairs past her. Matt groaned seeing his younger brother heading his way. Jeff and babysitting always spelled disaster.

”Hey Jeff,” Amy called as she unlocked the car door and slid in. “You can help Matt with Alex while I’m out.”

”Babysitting,” Jeff said, his face brightening. “Cool! I’ve got a new game I wanna try out on the little guy.”

Amy laughed seeing Matt’s pained expression as he stood at the front door. She knew all of the trouble Jeff could get into with their toddler. “Have fun boys,” she called starting the car and driving off.

”Hiya Matt,” Jeff said sliding past his brother and into the house. “Where’s that nephew of mine?!”

”Unca Jeff,” Alex exclaimed tossing his blocks aside and running into Jeff’s outstretched arms. The two tumbled the ground giggling as they began to play wrestle.

”All right,” Matt said unable to keep the smile off his face. He had to admit that Jeff was really good with his son. “Who’s hungry?”

”Me,” Jeff and Alex both cried.

”You’re always hungry,” Matt said to Jeff as he helped him up off the floor before heading into the kitchen.

”Hey,” Jeff exclaimed scooping up Alex and following Matt. “Can I help it if I have a fast metabolism?”

”Tabolism,” Alex said as if agreeing with his uncle.

”Whatever,” Matt said as he pulled out some tuna and began to make sandwiches. “Could you set Alex in his high chair and give him something to drink,” he asked Jeff.

”Yes Master,” Jeff replied and Alex giggled. Matt shot Jeff a look to let him know that he was not amused. Without another word Jeff strapped Alex into the seat and set the tray in place. “Would you like some apple juice,” he asked the toddler, who clapped happily. “Apple juice it is.”

”I’m not sure where Alex’s sippy cup is,” Matt called over his shoulder to Jeff. “So, if you give him a regular cup please don’t fill it up too much and put a straw in it.”

”Gotcha,” Jeff said grabbing a large cup from the cupboard and filling it halfway with juice. He stuck a straw in it and handed it to the toddler. “There you go,” he said with an accomplished smile. Alex took the cup and sipped a little juice happily. “You need any help there, Matt,” Jeff asked turning his attention away from his nephew.

Before Matt could reply Alex made a gurgling sound and apple juice rained down on the brothers. Matt turned and glared at Jeff, wiping apple juice off his face. “I told you not to fill it up too much,” he said, frustrated at having to clean up this mess.

”I didn’t,” Jeff replied as the juice dripped from his hair and face. “I filled it up to here,” he said picking up the cup and pointing to halfway.

”That’s too much juice for a two year old,” Matt yelled, making Alex whimper and then cry.

”Now look what you did,” Jeff exclaimed as he scooped his nephew out of his high chair. “Come on, Alex. We’ll go get changed up while Daddy cools off.” With that he took Alex up to the nursery to be changed, dripping apple juice the whole way. Matt sighed and got to work cleaning up the mess.

~*~

Jeff carried Alex upstairs and into Amy and Matt’s bedroom. Setting him down on the bed he went over to Matt’s side of the dresser and pulled out a shirt and some sweats. He quickly changed and then brought Alex into the nursery.

”Hmmm….let’s see….duckies or dinosaurs,” Jeff said pulling out a couple of outfits.

”Duck,” Alex exclaimed.

”Ducks it is then,” Jeff replied with a chuckle. “Let’s get a clean diaper on your bottom too so Daddy can stop being such a grump, huh?”

”Gump,” Alex agreed.

Jeff managed to get Alex stripped and washed up a bit before redressing him. “Now for the diaper,” he said removing the tabs and finding the surprise Alex had left him. “DEAR GOD,” he exclaimed jumping back from the changing table. “What the hell are you eating to make you do THAT!” Alex let out a peel of laughter at his uncle’s antics.

Taking a few calming breaths Jeff attempted to brace himself. “Be strong, Jeff,” he muttered to himself. “It’s just a big stinking pile of….” A dry heave wracked his body cutting off his ramblings. Pulling his shirt over his nose he quickly cleaned the toddler’s bottom and re-diapered him.

”All right,” Matt said entering the nursery. “I got all of the apple juice cleaned up.” He noted that his brother looked a little green now. “Lunch is ready if you want it.”

”No food,” Jeff replied sickly handing Alex over to Matt. “Keep that toxic waste factory away from me for a while.”

Matt watched as Jeff staggered down the hall to the guest bedroom. He heard what he assumed was Jeff flopping onto the bed and then silence. Looking at his son in his arms he smiled and said, “You left a present for Uncle Jeff, didn’t you?” Alex smiled coyly and giggled. “Come on, kid. Let’s get you fed.”

Jeff came downstairs an hour later. “I’m starving,” he said rubbing his very empty stomach.

”Your sandwich is in the fridge,” Matt called from the living room. “There are some chips in the pantry.”

Jeff grabbed the sandwich and chips and joined his brother on the couch. “What’cha watchin’,” he asked.

”Dora the Explorer,” Matt replied. “Alex loves it.”

Jeff watched for a while as he devoured his lunch and then scrunched up his nose. “How are kids supposed to understand a word she’s saying when she speaks two different languages all the time,” he asked.

”That’s the point,” Matt replied. “It teaches children a second language when their young enough to actually learn it well.”

”Oh,” Jeff replied finishing off the chips and watching the show. By the end he was bopping his head to the “We Did It” song. “Hey,” he cried when Matt switched the TV off. “Rugrats was coming on!”

”Hush,” Matt hissed cradling his now sleeping son in his arms. “Alex is sleeping. I’m going to put him up in his crib. Do you think you can wash your plate without making too much noise?”

”I’ll try,” Jeff replied sarcastically. He watched as Matt carefully made his way up the stairs before heading into the kitchen. “Well, this won’t do,” he said seeing that Matt had not washed up his and Alex’s dishes yet. Grabbing the dish soap and a sponge he quickly got down to business.

Hearing a crash of glass and Jeff cursing loudly, Matt rushed down the stairs. “Jeff, what are you doing,” he demanded seeing his brother sweeping up what appeared to be the remnants of one of Amy’s favorite glasses.

”Don’t be mad,” Jeff said quickly disposing of the glass shards. “I was trying to help you out. I wanted to surprise you with an empty sink and clean dishes.” Matt peered into the sink and groaned. It looked like a bubble monster had devoured his sink. “The soap kinda got a little out of hand. That's how the glass jumped out of my hands.”

Matt picked up the bottle of soap and sighed. “This was almost full when I went upstairs, Jeff,” he said. There was barely a teaspoon of soap left now.

”Well, you need clean dishes, especially with Alex using them now,” Jeff replied.

”Just go watch TV or something while I clean up this mess,” Matt replied. Jeff hung his head, upset that his efforts were not better received. Matt realized this and added, “Thanks for trying to help out.” This brightened Jeff’s face and he bounded into the living room to watch TV.

~*~

Once the kitchen was cleaned up Matt went into the living room. Jeff sat on the couch watching Bob the Builder intently. With a sigh Matt sat down on the couch next to Jeff and wondered why his brother would be watching a children’s show.

”Hey Matt,” Jeff exclaimed turning his gaze from the TV. “They’re going to build an observatory for the town! I don’t think they can do it, but they’re convinced that they can.” Matt slapped his forehead and shook his head at his brother before grabbing the remote and switching to the news.

”Oh,” Jeff groaned. “I wanted to see if they did it!” He folded his arms across his chest and began to pout.

Matt rolled his eyes and tried to concentrate on the news. Jeff, however, had other ideas. He soon began sneakily poking Matt’s shoulder, which Matt tried desperately to ignore. Unfortunately, Jeff poked once too often and a little to hard.

”That’s it,” Matt said and yanked Jeff down to the floor where he slapped on a headlock. “What is your problem?!”

”The news is boring,” Jeff whined as Matt released him. “Let’s watch more Dora!”

”No,” Matt replied taking the remote away from Jeff.

”Fine,” Jeff replied getting back on the couch and folding his arms across his chest again. “How about MTV?”

Matt sighed as he sat down next to Jeff. “Fine,” he relented and turned the channel to MTV. He groaned realizing that there was a marathon of pointless reality shows on. Jeff on the other hand was ecstatic.

”Oooh! Date My Mom,” he exclaimed. “I wonder who he’s gonna pick!”

”Why does it matter,” Matt groaned. “None of them have a brain between them and that includes the moms!”

”You take that back,” Jeff demanded shoving Matt’s shoulder.

Matt retaliated by punching Jeff’s arm hard. Instantly he regretted it. As if in slow motion he could see Jeff’s face screw up in pain and his mouth open to let out a cry of pain.

Desperate not to wake his son Matt placed his hand over Jeff’s mouth, but it was too late. A yelp of pain echoed through the house and soon Alex’s cries could be heard from the nursery. Matt glared at Jeff as he stood to go tend to his son.

”Don’t glare at me like it’s my fault,” Jeff replied standing, holding his sore arm. “You punched me. How else was I supposed to react?”

Unable to control his anger Matt hauled off and punched Jeff in the face. “God damn it,” was the last thing Jeff heard before the world turned black.

Matt watched with a cringe as his little brother crumpled to the floor. He knew Jeff was going to have one hell of a headache when he woke up and a hell of a shiner too. With a sigh he climbed the stairs to the nursery to tend to Alex.

~*~

When Jeff awoke his head was pounding. He could hear the sound of Alex trying to sing along with the songs on Jack’s Big Music Show. Slowly he sat up, eyes still closed, rubbing his temples.

”That was some party,” he muttered. “What the hell did I drink? My head is pounding.”

”You had a new drink called a knuckle sandwich,” Matt replied.

”Samich,” Alex exclaimed making Jeff wince.

”Hey,” Jeff exclaimed finally opening his eyes. He winced at the sound of his own voice. “You punched me!”

”No flies on you,” Matt replied helping Jeff to his feet. “You deserved it for waking Alex.” Alex looked at Jeff as if he understood what they were discussing.

”Did you have to punch so hard,” Jeff asked going to the hall mirror and examining his slightly swollen and bruised eye. “Look at me,” he said coming back to where Matt stood. “Look at my beautiful face!” Matt rolled his eyes at the last statement.

”There’s an ice pack in the kitchen,” he finally said in response to Jeff’s comment. “It should take the swelling down.”

Jeff went into the kitchen and several minutes later came back with the ice pack. He sat down on the couch, Matt taking a seat next to him and pulling Alex into his lap, placing the ice pack on his eye. Soon a pathetic sigh escaped his lips and Matt could tell that he was trying to make him feel guilty. Jeff did this for several minutes.

Matt couldn’t take it anymore and finally said, “Look, I’m sorry, Jeff. You just gotta stop being….you.”

”I’m not sure I know how to do that,” Jeff replied honestly making Matt chuckle. “Besides you love me being me.”

”Sadly this is true,” Matt replied with a sigh. “Are we good now?” Jeff nodded and groaned as his head began to throb again. “I have to take Alex upstairs to change his diaper. I’ll bring you back some aspirin.” Jeff nodded pathetically and lay down on the couch once Matt had gotten up.

”Jeff,” Matt called coming back downstairs several minutes later, Alex in his arms. “Here’s your aspirin. Look, I need to run to the store to grab some more diapers. Can you watch Alex for me? I’ll only be gone a few minutes.”

”That’s a stupid question,” Jeff said taking the aspirin and downing them with what was left of Matt’s iced tea.

”I only asked because if your head hurts too much I can take him with me,” Matt replied.

”I’ll treat him as if he were my own,” Jeff replied pulling Alex into his lap.

”That’s what I’m afraid of,” Matt muttered under his breath.

”What was that,” Jeff asked.

”I’ll be back in a few. Don’t burn down the house while I’m gone,” Matt replied ignoring the question as he grabbed his keys and left.

”Daddy doesn’t think that I’m responsible,” Jeff said to Alex. The toddler quirked a brow at his uncle and gurgled something in gibberish.

~*~

"Let's see what's on TV," Jeff said grabbing the remote and switching the channel. "Ooh! Dragon Tales! That Ord! He cracks me up!" Alex quirked a brow at his uncle once again and shook his head just like his father would have done.

Soon Jeff was wrapped up in the show and did not feel Alex slip out of his lap. The toddler found his blocks and began playing with them happily. He would glance up at his uncle once in a while to see if he was paying attention to him. Sadly Jeff’s attention was now on Teletubbies.

Reaching up onto the coffee table, keeping an eye on Jeff, he pulled Matt’s iced tea cup down to the floor. It landed with a dull thud on the carpet and made a small puddle of tea. Alex giggled happily and began to splash around in it until he was sticky.

Growing tired of playing with the now drying stain in the carpet he crawled away from the couch and toward the CD tower. Pulling himself up to a standing position he pulled out Matt’s favorite Pearl Jam albums and began to toss them about. He demolished a few other of Matt’s favorites before heading to the DVDs.

Glancing back at his uncle to make sure he was still occupied Alex grabbed some cases and began to tear them open, plastic splintering. Jeff did not budge as one made a loud popping noise. Alex giggled loudly and tried to replicate the sound. When he could not he crawled away to get into more trouble.

”Jeff, I’m home,” Matt called as he entered the house with his bundle.

Looking around the living room his jaw dropped. The only words to describe the scene before him were complete destruction. Jeff sat on the couch engrossed in another MTV reality show. Alex sat in the middle of what used to be Amy’s favorite potted plant. Dirt caked his face and hands and his clothes were filthy.

”JEFFREY NERO HARDY,” Matt screamed, startling Alex.

”Wow,” Jeff said jumping up from the couch. “You sound just like Dad when you do that. Wow! Who made this big mess?”

Matt closed the distance between him and his brother and grabbed him by the collar. “Amy called me while I was at the store,” he said through gritted teeth. “She’s done with lunch and will be home in twenty minutes. How the HELL am I supposed to clean up this mess AND Alex in that time?”

”Relax,” Jeff said removing Matt’s hands from his collar. “I’ll take Alex up for a bath while you get started down here. When I’m done with Alex I’ll come help you.”

”Fine,” Matt sighed. Once again he was stuck cleaning up one of Jeff’s messes. “Don’t use too much soap.”

”DUH,” Jeff replied scooping Alex up and heading up the stairs.

He made sure that the water was just right before stripping the toddler and setting him in the bathtub. Alex squealed happily, bath time was his favorite. Jeff grabbed a wash cloth and bar of soap and began to lather the toddler up.

”You know, Alex,” he said as he cleaned the caked on dirt away. “I think your Daddy is mad at me.” Alex quirked a brow at him and replied in gibberish. “I know, but he’s got steam coming out of his ears.” Alex once again replied in gibberish. “You’re right,” Jeff agreed. “He’ll get over it. I can always count on you to make me feel better.”

He admired his handy work in cleaning up the toddler and pulled the plug on the water before scooping Alex up in a towel and taking him to the nursery. Alex muttered something in gibberish and Jeff replied, “I’m sorry you like the ducks better, but the dinosaurs are all that is clean now.” Alex sighed as if exasperate by Jeff, but allowed his uncle to dress him.

When Jeff returned to the living room with Alex in his arms Matt had cleaned up everything. Not a thing seemed out of place. The stain in the carpet was now just a wet spot drying. The overturned potted plant was back in place. The massacred CDs and DVDs were now back in place as well.

”What are you part mutant or something,” Jeff asked setting Alex down. “I didn’t know you had superhuman speed.” Matt sighed loudly and slumped down onto the couch, exhausted.

~*~

“Guys, I’m home,” Amy called when she got home. Alex jumped out of his father’s lap and ran to her. “Hello,” she said scooping him up and kissing his forehead. “You smell all nice and clean. Did you have a bath?”

”He sure did,” Jeff replied. “He got all messy and I washed him up for Matt.” Matt rolled his eyes at his brother and stood, going to greet his wife.

”You look thoroughly exhausted,” she said giving him a quick kiss.

”Alex got into a wee bit of trouble,” Jeff said clapping Matt on the back. “Thank goodness I was here to help out.”

Amy couldn’t help but smile as she watched Matt try to control his temper. “Alex sure is lucky to have such a loving uncle. Isn’t that right, Matt,” she asked.

”Right,” Matt said forcing a smile. “Thanks for all of your help today, Jeff.”

”Any time,” Jeff replied happily.

”You know I’m going out with Trish again sometime next week,” Amy said, a wicked smile spreading across her lips at the helpless look in Matt’s eyes. “You should come keep Matt company then.”

”I’d love to,” Jeff exclaimed.

”Jeff,” Matt said desperately searching his brain for some excuse. “Don’t you have that meeting with um…you know what I mean.”

”No,” Jeff replied shaking his head. “That was rescheduled for the next week. I’m perfectly free.”

”Well, what about that photo shoot you have,” Matt said grasping at straws.

”You’re thinking of next month,” Jeff replied going over his schedule in his head.

”Face it, honey,” Amy said leaning into Matt and whispering. “You’re stuck with him.” She chuckled softly. “It can’t be that bad,” she added. “Look how happy Alex is.” With that she took the toddler into the kitchen to make him dinner.

”So, I’ll see you next week,” Jeff said giving his brother a quick hug before leaving.

”Oh fuck,” Matt groaned thinking of all of the trouble Jeff would get into next.